I am a sex addict in dire need of help. Before I tell you about my dilemma, I want to thank you pioneering research and treatment of sexual addictions. You have made recovery possible for many people.
There are those such as myself, however, who have tried to navigate through the maze of recovery with no real help. When I reach out for help, it seems to me that the door gets slammed in my face every time.
I have sought out Certified Sex Addiction Therapists (CSAT) in my area. I am aware that many metropolitan areas have plenty of CSAT professionals. But not all sex addicts live in metropolitan areas. Where I live, we have only one therapist with a CSAT and he does not accept insurance. He could give me a billing form to send to my insurance company, but my insurance has absolutely no out-of-network benefits. My out-of-pocket expense to see him would be $100 a session. Since I am behind on my rent and other bills, I cannot afford this.
Recently, I called a treatment center that prides itself on their expertise in the treatment of sexual addictions. Like every sexual addictions treatment center that I know of, they proudly state that their treatment programs are based on the 12-step model and Dr. Carnes’ groundbreaking work. I first talked to a kind, compassionate gentleman who eventually transferred me over to an intake professional. When the phone conversation with the intake professional ended, I felt worse than I did before I made the call. Perhaps I was oversensitive, as many addicts are when they are desperate. Perhaps the intake specialist was merely using “tough love.” Maybe the intake specialist just wanted to act like a jackass. In my view, I found him to be condescending, judgmental and self-righteous.
The treatment facility that I called is not covered under my health insurance. I discovered that no treatment facility that specializes in sexual addictions is in my insurance network. He told me how much money inpatient treatment would cost. He told me how much outpatient treatment would cost, excluding the amount of money I would need to spend on a hotel, considering the nearest sexual addiction treatment program is two states away. He asked me how much I could afford. He said he could make a deal with me and then sternly said, “But I won’t give it away.” In answering some of his questions, I had to tell him that no, I don’t have any family members from whom I can borrow the money. No, I don’t have enough money in my savings or retirement account. No, I can’t take out a second mortgage because I am renting. He said he would send me some resources that are available in my area, all of which I had already sought. The information he sent me, however, was information I already had, as I had already sought out local resources on my own. I was right back at square one, but feeling even more hopeless than before.
We are all aware of the stigma that comes from having a sexual addiction. The cost and the inaccessibility of treatment gives sexual addiction an additional stigma. It gives some the impression that sexual addiction is an illness of the rich and famous. Not everyone can afford inpatient treatment for sexual addiction, but we know who can.
The inaccessibility of treatment isn’t just my problem. Many others face this problem. And this is a problem for you, too. A lot of outsiders see the treatment of sexual addictions as one big moneymaking machine. I believe that you (the professionals at the forefront of the CSAT movement) have created this perception.
Most alcoholics or drug addicts cannot afford to go to the treatment facilities where the rich and famous go, but they have many other options. Community mental health centers that offer help for substance abuse base the cost of treatment on one’s income.
I know that 12-step programs such as Sex Addicts Anonymous are free, but it seems like all the books on the topic of sexual addiction that are published by Gentle Path state that in addition to working a 12-step program, one needs professional help as well. I have attended SAA meetings in the small city in which I live. The members talk about their week, issues they have with coworkers, their church activities, and how wonderful it is to have friends who are Christians.
I am not asking for free professional help. I don’t expect any treatment facility to “give it away.” I know there’s no such thing as a free lunch. I am not asking for you to do anything for me personally. I am asking you to do something to make treatment affordable and accessible for everyone.
Sincerely,
MSCR
My So-Called Recovery 